The Pre-Proposal: Start of Something New

Let me share to you our story on how a supposed “normal” day turned out to be a start of something new for me and my then-boyfriend-now-husband.

February 2016, I was tasked to go to Bicol for an 8-day field work. I was hesitant to accept the task at first since (1) February is my boyfriend’s birth month and it has been a tradition for me to prepare a surprise for him ever since we’ve been together (circa 2009) and, (2) I have never traveled that far… alone.

Since I am new in the company, I obliged even though my schedule will not permit me to be with my boyfriend for his birthday. Thanks to technology  and his siblings, I was able to pull off a simple surprise.

So after the 8-day field work, my boyfriend together with my siblings picked me up from the airport. That is the longest time that we didn’t see each other that is why Law decided to spend the night with me and my family that day.

The morning after, I found him staring blankly at the ceiling. I asked him what’s bothering him and he plainly answered, “wala naman”. Then I asked him to update me on what happened to his day for the past eight days that I am away. We were chit-chatting happily when he suddenly said, “Pakasal na kaya tayo” in a calm and serious tone.

I was really shocked. I didn’t know what to say then.  After few moments of silence, I told him “Hindi magandang biro yan. Wag kang paasa.” I know it sounds rude but maybe, I already got tired off responding to every wedding related taunts like: “kailan kayo magpapa-kasal” or the more aggressive “pakasal na kayo!” as if it was just that easy! I mean, come on guys! Wedding is a very serious and sacred matter that shouldn’t be used as a joke or even a conversation starter. Well, at least for me.

Moving forward, he then responded, “seryoso ako. pakasal na tayo”. When I realized that he’s really serious this time, I gladly said yes! Believe me, that is one of the best decisions I ever made, as to date! Eight months after, we exchanged our vows and started our journey as Mister and Misis!

I am sharing this to you because it is a common dilemma for most, if not all, couples in along term relationship, most especially to my Kumares. Let’s all be honest, we sometimes fall into a deep thought of “so what’s next? why aren’t we talking about marriage yet?” which, if not addressed immediately, may create a real life dilemma (e.g. breakup, third party, etc.)

So, what’s my point? Well, you do have a lot of option, Kumare!

(1) Ask. There is no better way than to seek answer for your questions. You are in a relationship so it is normal that Marriage will be one topic that should be discussed.

(2) Wait. If your man really loves you, he will pop out the question when he’s ready. Yes, when he is ready. Sounds unfair? No, that is logical. For sure, you wouldn’t want a man who jumps to hasty decisions then change his mind afterwards, right?

I remember the conversation with me and my former manager, Sir Jimson, sometime in 2015. We are on the way to a client meeting, we had a serious conversation about Marriage:

(Non-Verbatim)

Sir Jimson: May wedding plans na ba?

Me: Wala pa nga po eh.

Sir Jimson: Ilang years na ba kayo? 

Me: 6 years na po. 

Sir Jimson: Matagal na din pala. Naiinip ka na ‘no?

Me: Oo naman, Sir. HAHA! Bakit ganun kasi, wala pang tanong?

Sir Jimson: Alam mo, maghintay ka lang. Ang lalaki basta naramdaman niya nang handa na siya, kahit walang special occasion, mapo-propose na yan. Take it from me. Ang mga lalaki kasi, madaming iniisip yan. Yung gastos, yung timing, kung handa na ba siya. Lalo na kung nasa prime siya nang career niya. So hintayin mo lang, darating din yun oras na yun. In God’s perfect time.

Luckily for me, it didn’t take long after our conversation, Law asked me to marry him few months after. Truly, we have to trust “God’s perfect time”.

(3) Leave. If you are no longer happy or you feel you’ve waited long enough and still there is no clear answer to your question, I think it is best to leave.

(4) Others… Well, I am not an expert in love so if you feel that there are other options, please feel free to share your thoughts. I’ll be more than happy to hear from you guys!

 

Good-things-come-to-those-who-wait

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